The mirror of your life

Have you ever wondered if there is someone in the world who is dealing with the same things that you are?

The web is full of quotes that will tell you you're not alone, that people have felt the way you felt and got through it and all sorts of other cheesy affirmations, but is that really true? Sure, many people have experienced death of a loved one, an injury, illness, a broken heart, loss of job, abuse etc etc. but what about those more specific things. Is there someone who has experienced death of a loved one in the same way that you have? Lost the person in the same way and felt about it the same way? What about less tragic things that normal people seem to deal with without thinking twice but for some reason to you they seem like most horrible things that could happen? Is there anyone else out there who is as weird as you? For whom the obvious solution to said problem is the equivalent of deciding to climb Mount Everest by yourself while a firing squad aims at you and every person in the world is standing around pointing and laughing. I sure hope so.

Stuff

So I cleaned today, so that's nice. I feel a little better about existing when I have a clean area to work in. Maybe I'll paint my nails a little later. I meant to do it three weeks ago but I didn't. Time really does fly, which is why I have to go now and do stuff that I haven't done and now the deadline is too close for comfort. 

I decided that my new goal for this blog is that at least one of my posts this year will be interesting and I will actually say something of value in one of them. Here's to hoping! 

hi stranger

Hey,

so....long time no see. so, how's it going? oh yeah? good, good. me? oh yeah fine yeah. What? oh yeah definitely we gotta catch up soon, totally. yeah. ok. bye now.

Sticking to it.

It's January 8th/9th, are you sticking to your New Year resolution? I obviously am, I mean look at the many posts I made so far....teehee. Seriously. It's hard to stick to something you don't really HAVE to do. it's hard to make yourself make the time. I know that in the coming days there will be no posts, but that's planned. I don't mean I planned to specifically not blog during the second week of January, I just won't be able to. But once I am able to do it again I hope I can stick to it.And I hope I get rich overnight. I feel like whatever I write from now on will just be rambling so I shall go now.

Happy New Year!

As 2011 was coming to a close I thought to myself, what sort of "resolution" I should make. I normally don't make any because there isn't anything that I decide I should start doing once January hits. However, this time I thought, I have this blog that I would like to update more often and January seems like a good time to start to keep track of how much I post because it makes calculating much easier-math is not my strong suit. So there I was, in late December, resolving that I would post almost every day of the year. I figured I should give myself leeway, like certain number of days out of 366 or something but I should also be very strict and make myself post daily unless I truly can't. Well. It's January 6th today so I am clearly doing well.... yeah. I really do want to post here more often. Mainly because I am really good at explaining things to myself.I noticed this today when I was commenting on some news story and I started out with one thought but then as I kept typing I started to understand the opposing view. Me and myself have very thoughtful conversations with eachother. I think it's because all other people are idiots. Just kidding. Sort of. Maybe they aren't idiots, maybe they just think that I think they're idiots and so they withhold their opinion so as to not upset me...See what I did there? Yup. Clever. I know. :) I'm entertained by typing this so whatever, I don't care that you think I'm insane, you're just jealous that the voices don't want to talk to you.

Hello

Hi,

It's been a while, I know. I meant to visit you sooner but you know, life gets in the way and other usual excuses. I don't know why I neglect you so much, I like it here. I feel a bit more sane after I visit. Well, actually I feel more and less sane at the same time. That's not uncommon with me, feeling two different ways at the same time. It's actually sort of a perpetual way of being for me. It's especially tricky when I both want and don't want something at the same time, it's a lose-lose situation. That isn't a good way to look at life is it? Lose-lose. There are wins. Like when I hear a song I really like on the radio, especially when it isn't really radio kind of song. Warm, fresh bed sheets straight from the dryer, that's a win. I wish they could be like that all the time (that's a lose). Reading something that completely makes sense to you and realizing that you're not alone. Getting a good night sleep. Fresh coffee, vanilla and melty chocolate. Whipped cream. Life.

You know how your day can just get so screwed up that nothing can fix it? You just feel like you have 500 pounds of stuff on your shoulders and you can't even stay standing. And you can't do anything else and you can't sleep and you just feel this big great crap all around you. You get scared because what can you really do? You want to do something but you don't know what. And you're all alone in this and it just sucks.

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing in a field all wounded and bleeding and people just decide to throw rocks at me. And I just feel like how the fuck do you expect me to get better and move and get somewhere if you're just going to keep throwing rocks at me before I could even get over our last meeting?

I know I will look at this post in few days and want to throw up. Sometimes I get so whiny that even I can't stand it but at this moment bitching about life on my blog is my best bet. Isn't that what blogs were made for?

I feel a little bit better now. Maybe I will go to sleep.